Monday, November 28, 2011

Real Life


I’m not exactly sure how I want to start this post. I have always been a very “this is me- you get what you see” type of person. I am rarely afraid to be myself ever, BUT I’m finding that this whole blogging thing is going to be a little more difficult than I expected. I learned within the first month of serious blogging that I would have to invest a sh*tload of time and money if I ever wanted to be successful in my endeavor. Now, that is coming naturally and I’m considering this as almost a second job-situation.

As of recently though, I am finding that the hardest thing about blogging is really presenting myself truly and honestly, yet also doing DIY projects, outfit posts, and other random-stuff posts. I guess I’ve been forgetting what this blog is truly about; which is the celebration of my best friend’s life and honoring her. What this blog is truly about is being able to write down my feelings and thoughts somewhere. If someone reads it and has something to say, whether good or bad, then great! If not, I’ll get over it!

THEREFORE, I would like to share a very cool story about Karina with you all.

This past weekend was Thanksgiving, obviously, when everyone and their damn brother comes home from school or where they moved to afterwards; whatever. I went out to the bars with Al and Jamie, where we bumped into everyone and their damn brother, including a young man I dated ages ago. Him and I knew each other through Karina. He had worked with her, been best friends with her ex. You know, several major connections. Basically, during the hour that he was there, standing 10 feet away from me, he said nothing. No, “Hey, how are you?” or “Hey, I’m so sorry… Blah Blah.” (I really don't want to sound like a self-centered asshole. I REALLY don't.)

Fast forward to my drive home around midnight: I was bummin’ a little about what had (or hadn’t) happened. Not crying or anything, but just kind of pissed! I turned the radio on to a station I rarely visited, when a song that I recognized came on. (Three months prior, Karina and Al had been trying to coax me into loving this song because “No, Emmy, do NOT let the Eat Pray Love trailer ruin it.”) As the song started to slowly drift into an extremely climactic chorus, I felt my spine tingle all the way down in waves, over and over again. I SWEAR a felt that someone was there with me; that she was in the passenger seat next to me. The waves down my spine continued as her voice whispered in my head,

“Don’t let this bring you down. Celebrate my life! Celebrate!”

9 comments:

Jenny said...

I think it is so important to celebrate each day. This is something that I must remind myself, especially if I experienced an upsetting moment in my day. But it is funny how something as simple as a song can change our moods.

Shannon :: The Scribble Pad said...

incredible. love you and your blogging voice and your stories of Karina.

ilovemyvintage said...

i love reading your blog,and that song is in my top 3 fave songs of all time!keep up the good work, this is a brilliant way to honour your friend and yourself.xxx

karina said...

It sounds to me like you wanted the guy to use your friends death as a conversation starter? He just wasn't into you and didn't want to talk to you. That's OK. Sometimes the “this is me- you get what you see” is great -- people know from the very beginning whether to stay away from you or not.

Tell us about Karina, what she was like - her dreams, goals, struggles, aspirations. You posted pictures of her but they don't necessarily honor her... she's drunk and looks out of control. You started this blog to honor her right?

“Fools show their annoyance at once, but the prudent overlook an insult.”
Proverbs 12:16

Megan Mikutis said...

Emily,

I've often felt alone in my grief. Karina always has an irreplaceable part of my heart, and I oftentimes feel that I may never be quite the same without her. I sometimes find myself feeling anger towards those who have not recognized the depth or breadth of my grief. It does not spring from a selfish want for attention but rather a need for Karina's absence to be universally felt. She was just too special to be forgotten or ignored by those who knew her.

Now, Karina (the poster above me). How dare you use scripture to thinly insult someone's grief and the memory of Karina? For someone who blatantly uses their Christianity in order to pass judgement on the grief of others, you have (not surprisingly) failed to recognize the the Bible's major tenant on grief: Grief manifests itself in many forms, and as a family in Christ, it is our responsibility to embrace the grieving failures of our brothers and sisters and lift them up to the Lord. Further more, the pictures that you have (again, not surprisingly) mistakenly refer to are a series of photographs taken while Karina was DANCING. And, since you've used scripture to divert attention from your pretentious and assuming comments, let me provide you with a few:

"Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing: thou hast put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness."
- Psalm 30:11

"Let them praise his name in the dance: let them sing praises unto him with the timbrel and harp."
- Psalm 149:3

"They send forth their little ones like a flock, and their children dance."
- Job 21:11

So, finally, using Ephesians, I leave you with, "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for BUILDING UP, as fits the occasion, that it may give GRACE to those who hear" (Ephesians 4:29).

Anonymous said...

Hey "karina",

Why don't you say something positive instead of trying to preach at her. You are nothing but a pharisee.

Anonymous said...

get a life people, its a blog - a public blog, might I add.

comments will be made good and bad and if that's not what you want make it private.

Kao said...

Thank you for your act of courage. To share your grief and experiences in this format requires an acceptance of a myriad of reactions by readers. My hope is that your readers might respond to your broadcasted experiences with, at minimum, a commitment to honesty and empathy, a balance that our society struggles with immensely. Your intuition, and subsequent decision to create the blog was a powerful one, keep on keepin' on!

Cas said...

Good story, Em. Thanks for being vulnerable enough to share, despite it being read by all and potentially facing judgement. Continue the celebration in whatever way you'd like!

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