Style de Haviland: What If...

Sometimes it’s hard for me to imagine life if certain things hadn’t happened...

                What if I had never been cheated on by my first boyfriend?

                What if I hadn’t dropped out of the Christian private college I had been going to?

                What if I had never been a nanny to one of the most wonderful little boy?

                What if I had never had an affair?

                What if Karina never died? 

What if I had never left my old job? 

What if I had never met Dennis? 

Of course you could do that with everything. What if I hadn’t picked my nose? What if I hadn’t taken that shit at 10:30 this morning? But I mean, you can’t help but wonder what your life would be like if certain things hadn’t happened. I mean, all of the above events were pretty eventful, are important to my life and who I am now. Tony cheating on me and hurting me as much as he did had a MAJOR affects on my young-adult life. I allowed it to completely annihilate my freshman and part of my sophomore years of college; thus leading me to leave that school completely. What if I hadn’t left? Would I have ever made it through Gordon at all? If I had never nannied Lorenzo I would have never had the most wonderful experiences with him and his family. I would have never have met my first “adult-boyfriend.” I would have never traveled to Florida or Oregon. (At least I wouldn’t have at the age I was.) If I had never had an affair, I wouldn’t have gone through the amount of pain that I did. I would have never hurt myself or some of the people I love. If Karina had never died... I have no idea where we would be.

But if none of these things had I happened, I wouldn’t be who I am today.

                I wouldn’t be as independent as I am.

                I would be far more judgmental than I am.

                I would be way more naïve.

                I wouldn’t have such a soft-spot for little boys who can’t pronounce their r’s.

                I wouldn’t be as thankful.

I wouldn't have the relationship with God that I have.

                And most importantly, I would have never learned the important lessons that I did.

Shirt: Hand-me-down from my Ma (Talbots)

Jeans: Paige

Flats: Sperry Top-Sider

Necklace: J.Crew

Headscarf: Vintage

I literally wouldn’t be the person I am today if these things hadn’t happened.