Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Cigarettes

Cigarettes were the closest friends since I was 17 years old. Before I quit,I had been smoking everyday, and depending on how much stress I was under, it has ranged from 4-5 per day to a half a pack per day.

Because my parents loathed the habit entirely, and I knew I had to quit eventually, I started the process. I remember one of the last regular cigarettes I had, I looked at it thinking about everything that we had been through together. Cigarettes and I went through a lot pain together and a lot of joy together. Cigarettes were there when it felt like nobody else was. I made new friends from smoking and I may have lost old ones from it. They were there for me during extreme break-up pains, which is definitely one of the main reasons for my starting of the habit in the first place...
Tony was the man of my dreams. He was musical, funny, so hot, and totally looked at me like I was the greatest thing since sliced bread. At least I thought so, which was totally rad since I had kissed one guy, and it had been the worst experience involving a forward tongue thrust into my throat. Anyways, when you're 18 years old, sometimes you think you know everything. "We're going to get married and have the white-picket fence, with little part-Italian, part-Lebanese children..." Okay, so that did NOT happen. Thank GOD!

But point being, that's when I really started smoking; after things fell apart with Tony and I. Totally not blaming him at all, but it's definitely one of the big reasons. I filled the void of losing Tony, with smoking.

Smoking was such a huge part of my life. I put it before my God, my family, and my body. I gave it up for not only my own health, but for my family and a possible future family... Sometimes, we have to make sacrifices that we really don't want to make. But this one, had to be done.

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