These past couple months I have neglected to write much about my dear best friend, Karina. (If you don’t know the story, feel free to go back to here and here.) I had the thought of writing a post dedicated to her every monthly-anniversary, but, unfortunately, that clearly hasn’t happened. This is because the past several months had become dedicated to family-related drama and terror (for lack of better words,) thus truly coming to terms with grieving over the loss of my relationship with my older brother, but that’s neither here nor there.
Needless to say, the family troubles that my parents, my younger brother, and I have endured recently have been distracting me completely from moving along with my grieving process over the loss of my best friend, Karina Marie. For about two months, from about Thanksgiving to sometime in late January, I shed not but one tear for my friend.
I was becoming the stronghold for both my beloved family in one situation and my closest loved ones in another situation. As February came, things died down with my family, and Karina started haunting my daily life again. (Now when I use the word haunting, I don’t mean it negatively at all. And I also don’t mean that I wasn’t thinking about her everyday as it was. It just became more prevalent again.) Maybe two weeks ago, I started feeling less stressed about my family situation, thus started feel another bout of deep pain and anguish – related to the obvious holes in my daily life: not hearing Karina’s voice, not listening to her stories, not having impromptu sleepovers during the week, not staying up till the wee hours talking about anything and everything from the meaningless nothings to our deepest thoughts and secrets.
I’ve started crying randomly and more often, just like the first two or three months after her accident. I’ve begun verbalizing my thoughts more- telling Dennis and my closest friends stories of her heroism in my life that come out like verbal diarrhea, for I hadn’t thought of those memories until actually speaking them out loud. Every time I think and talk about our vacations together, our adventures, the people we met, the men we dated, the nitty-gritty discussions and challenges we had together, I smile. I always smile when I think about her.
My memories of our friendship bring joy to my life still, which is so crazy to me. You would think that even though you’re grieving a massive loss in your life, that you would only be depressed and angry. Although I feel those things as well, oh boy do I, I still feel immense joy and thankfulness that I had years of deep friendship with her. She was and still is a true soul mate. And I can’t wait to be reunited with her. It’s one of the things that I am truly blessed to have- knowing that it isn’t over with us. I now understand from experience that that is the beauty of Christ as well. He gives us a second chance- a second life. And we get to live it together for eternity.